Pastor Daniel Ho, 23/06/2012
This is the second sermon in the Reclaiming & Enhancing the Family (REF) Series. Last week, Pastor Christ Kam helped us to examine the role of fathers from the Bible. Today, we will look at marriage from the biblical point of view.
Pastor Daniel acknowledged the married couples in the congregation.
Pastor Daniel also acknowledged the single parents for pressing on and carrying the burden.
Eph 5:21-33 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (22) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (24) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (26) to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, (27) and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (28) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– (30) for we are members of his body. (31) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. (32) This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church. (33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Biblical understanding of marriage
In relationships, there is the general principle of submission in the body of Christ (v21)
Without submission, no relationship will work and no nation can stand.
Parents set boundaries for children to protect them.
- Then the body will work smoothly and effectively.
- It shows our reverence and love for Jesus.
To the wives:
Submit to the husbands. Submission is much misunderstood.
- Submission is not weakness but strength.
- Submission is not a sign of inferiority.
- Submission is to the Lord and not just men. It is God’s order for a well-functional family / marriage. It is not about capability.
- Submission is acknowledgement of a leader in the team (v23). There can only be one captain in a team.
- Submission is a reflection of the relationship of Christ with the Church (v23).
- Submission is a reflection of the attitude of Christ (Phil 2:5-8).
Php 2:5-8 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: (6) Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, (7) but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. (8) And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death– even death on a cross!
- Submission is to put all that I am and to have into the hands of my husband so that together we achieve common goal in life, not just the husband’s goal or the wife’s goal.
- To honour (cf 1 Pet 3:7)
1Pe 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
If a husband doesn’t respect the wife or vice versa, the children will pick it up. If they respect one another, the children will also follow.
To the Husbands
From v22 to 33, there are 3 times as many verses that talk about the husband than the wife. There is only one command – to love the wife. However, it is the most difficult command. Men can entertain many loves – sport, hobbies, cars, etc. More than that, some married men can have other women in their lives. That’s a tragedy independent of age. It can happen to young couples or even couples in their 70’s.
Courtship days are not real! They only become real after marriage. There is a proper way and right way to relate to one another.
To love their wives (v25)
- Love her sacrificially (v25) “and gave himself up for her.” That’s the extend of Jesus’ love for the church. This will continue to be a challenge but we have to learn. We can so easily make excuses for ourselves not to do something. Just because we won in the past doesn’t mean we will continue to win.
- Love her wholly (v28. 29). We feed ourselves well and rest properly. We make ourselves look nice and smell good. We do everything we can to take care of ourselves. To love the wife wholly means she is the one and only, there is no other woman, she alone is our concern.
- Love to make her holy (v26, 27). It is the responsibility of the men to help the wives to grow in the Lord.
Three things required in marriage (3 Cs)
C doesn’t stand for average but cemerlang.
A is average, B is beh pai, C is Cemerlang, D is Distinction, E is Excellent, F is Fantastic. (G = Great?)
1. Commitment (Mt 19:3-9)
Mat 19:3-9 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” (4) Haven’t you read, he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ (5) and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ? (6) So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (7) Why then, they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” (8) Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. (9) I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Strong words – clear and emphatic. Marriage is for life not just for love. It is a lifelong commitment. We enter into it thoughtfully.
In DUMC, a couple are to go through 13 sessions of marriage course before they can get married. Marriage should be a real blessing.
2. Complement (Gen 2:20)
Gen 2:20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
(Pastor Daniel could whistle!)
Husband and wife are meant to complement one another and to complete each other. No man is a superman. No man knows everything in life. He needs a wife to help him to become more perfect in life. A wife is meant to complete the husband and not to compete.
3. Communication (cg Gen 3:8. 9)
Gen 3:8-9 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. (9) But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”
God communicated with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The husband and wife relationship is the most intimate relationship. When the husband and wife are right, the society is right.
Three things to do in a marriage (3 As)
- Apreciation
- Affim t- o say words to encourage one another.
- Affection – showing love.
Five ways to show love or the five love languages:
- Gifts or presents
- Physical touch
- Quality time – this is especially important during times of high tension. We cannot keep withdrawing without depositing.
- Acts of service
- Affirming words
Pro 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
- In what ways have the biblical understanding of marriage affirmed you or corrected you in your marriage? For the wives, how do you remonstrate your submission and respect towards your husbands? For the husbands, how arfe you loving your wives sacrificially, wholly and to make her holy?
- How can you demonstrate the 3 As of marriage towards your spouse more? Which is the love language your spouse appreciates the most and what are you consistently doing about is to enrich your marriage?
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