TechnoSwimmer | Jesus Christ

Turning 54 today, I don’t want a fuss. No party, no speeches. Still, I wanted to sit down and say thank you, the way you would to a friend across the table.

Turning 54 and Being Found

First, to God, who found me. I didn’t find Him; I’m fairly sure I was too busy wandering off. But He found me anyway, and He keeps finding me, which says something about His patience. There’s an old line in Luke about seeking the lost, and I’ve always suspected it was talking about me. So everything else I’m grateful for starts there.

The People I Carry With Me

Thank you for the rest of my family, who put up with me, and who have been home even when I wasn’t paying attention. I missed my dad’s fried pork and curry chicken. I missed the time all eight siblings were under one roof.

Thank you for Kathleen, my late wife. She was my voice of reason. When my head drifted off into the clouds, she tugged the string and brought me back down to earth. Even now, I still hear her some days, usually right when I’m about to do something foolish. I’d like to think she’s still holding the string. I miss her, and I’m grateful for her in the same breath, and I’ve stopped trying to separate the two.

Thank you, too, for the others who have gone ahead of me. I can’t name them all here, but I carry them around anyway, in a phrase I catch myself repeating, in a recipe, in a laugh I didn’t know I’d inherited.

Thank you for Jesse, my son. He is more intelligent than I am, and I say that with only a little wounded ego. He has a way of tilting the world a few degrees, so that something I’ve been staring at for days suddenly looks different. I call him with a problem and hang up with a perspective, and I’m never quite sure how he did it. Because of him, my life is brighter, even with 5,700 kilometres between us. Clearly, distance is no match for a good conversation.

Thank you for Ben, my rescue dog. They say we rescue dogs, but I’ve never been sure who rescued whom. Ben gets me out of the house and onto my feet. He makes me walk when I’d rather sit, and he keeps me sane and healthy without saying a single word. Two found things, looking after each other.

Thank you, good friends, who can pick up where we left of anytime, as if we never stopped talking.

Relatively Good Health, and a Forgetful Mind

Thank you for relatively good health. I like the word “relatively.” It’s honest. And thank you that I can still think, though not very well, and still remember, though certainly not very well. So if I’ve forgotten your birthday, please know it’s the memory and not the love. I’m grateful for what I do remember, and I’m trying to be gracious about the rest.

My Vows After Turning 54

Here is what I promise, quietly and without a fuss:

1. I will say it while they can hear me. Thank you, I love you, I’m sorry. Not later. Later has a way of not arriving.
2. I will listen for Kathleen’s voice and not wave it off. Staying grounded is one way of honouring her.
3. I want to talk to Jesse more often, and listen more than I advise.
4. I will walk with Ben, three times a day, in the sun and the rain, for his sake and mine.
5. I will stay found. Listen more, ask for less, and let God be God. I want to spend more time reading the Bible everyday.
6. I will live a little more fully. Rush less, linger longer, and say yes to one thing a month that scares me slightly.

I don’t need much more than that. Kathleen kept me grounded. Jesse helps me see. Ben keeps me moving. Friends keep me warm. God keeps finding me. At 54, that feels like plenty.

Thank you, all of you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, someone needs a walk.