The two nights of wake services are over. The funeral is over. The remains have been taken for cremation. Is it over? Not by a long shot.
Besides the legal formalities, I must pack her things.
The grief inside me no longer needs to be suppressed. I can stop being the cold-blooded, heartless, unloving husband who did not cry enough for her dead wife. I think Ben will be witness to my breakdown when it finally happens.
My wife of 31 years is gone. Her wake was attended by family, relatives, friends, students and their parents, colleagues, etc. I heard so many testimonies of how God touched lives through her life. Students paid tribute to their teacher. Friends remembered her love, jovial nature, and friendship. In her 51 years she was truly blessed and at the same time a great blessing.
The empty nest is officially emptier. I will always have God. And I have Ben. For those of you who do not know, Ben is my dog. He is 10 years old today!
It was at lunch today that I first felt the adjustments I must make in my life. Something happened when I tried to pay. I could not use my debit card to pay. I could get cashback if I could pay with my debit card. I had to use my credit card. She would have been the first person I told. I can no longer speak to her. I can no longer share my joy / sadness / frustration with her.
She is with Jesus now. I suspect she is looking at me with her all-knowing smile as I continue to struggle in life without her. She knew exactly how I would face each challenge.
I will start to grieve properly soon enough.
I want to thank God, who gave her such a wonderful life. I want to thank God who took her back home where she is no longer sick, no longer in pain, and no longer suffers. I want to thank family members and friends who gave us tremendous support prior to her departure and after. I can feel the love she had for the people around her. And these people, many of them friends of hers, became my friends when I needed help and support the most. My family has been with me. My son and his wife came back from Adelaide. I have the best possible support. God bless you.
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