For the longest time in my life, I am much bothered by things that do not go well in my life. It could be a change in routine. It could be a health concern. It could be something that does not happen according to plan or to my expectation.
Whenever something like this happens, my mind is pre-occupied with it. I would get into accidents like dropping a glass, shattering it (and then worrying about Ben getting hurt.) I would hit the column as I reverse the car into a parking bay. Or, most recently, I paid the Cukai Tanah (land tax) for a stranger because I entered his account number instead of mine. My mind was not focused on what I was doing.
The most serious thing that happened was when I decided to think about what food to order BEFORE I gave Ben his breakfast. I ALWAYS make sure Ben has his walk and his breakfast before I do my workout, before I take a shower, before I make or order breakfast. That breaking of routine took my mind away. I stepped on Ben and his yelps in pain pierced my heart like a dagger dipped in poison. I kicked myself for days.
Imagine what happened to me when K left. For sure, she is in a better place. She is with Jesus. I still must slog for some time before I can join her in heaven. God was with me. And I always said if not for God and Ben, I would have gone crazy. Jesse and Andrea were instrumental in helping me through the grief. I have my family, my CG members, and my friends.
I learned that we do not always get what we want. I may never have a 20/20 vision. I may have skin allergies every now and then. I may never see K again until one day I join her in heaven. I may not be able to see the son whom I love every day. I may not get a job for some time. I learn that I sometimes need to learn to live with discomfort and difficulties. This is not the defeater’s mindset. I am not giving up. I am just saying, I do not need to have everything the way I want it. God’s grace is sufficient for me.
Is his grace sufficient for you?
Leave a Reply