“For he grants sleep to those he loves.” (Ps 127:2)
“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” (Ps 4:8)
“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.” (Pro 3:24)
I still sleep late. I still resist going to bed, even as Ben curls up faithfully by my feet. My mind feels hollow; my eyes fixed on nothing. Fingers tap the keyboard, chasing meaning that refuses to show itself. I keep trying to justify these late nights. There must be a reason. But there isn’t.
I don’t work. I have the whole day to search for meaning, to look for joy. And yet at night – when body and mind beg for rest – I push on, as though one more hour will uncover what has been hidden all day.
Then the questions whisper:
Am I not loved by God?
Does he not promise safety?
Why is my sleep not sweet?
But I know this much is true:
I am loved by God.
Jesus loves me, this I know.
He is my safety, my security, my peace.
So why the unrest? Perhaps there is something I still cling to – something I thought I released but haven’t. Something I cannot name, or do not want to face.
Others numb themselves with drink, with noise, with distraction. I sit in front of the screen, tapping keys, hoping to stumble upon release. But all the while, God waits. Patiently. Tenderly.
Not with condemnation. Not with frustration.
But with open arms.
He waits for me to run – not to sleep, not to escape, not to type another line – but to run into him. Into his embrace. Into his peace.
So, when will I run?
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