Today (15 Nov 2025) marks the one year anniversary of Kathleen going to be with Jesus. Jesse (my son) flew back from Adelaide. He will spend about a week here.
I have been staying at home. Yes. I do not leave home except for the three daily walks in the park with Ben (my dog), or the occasional visit to my mother. The rest of the time, I stay inside. The world outside moves on, and I watch from a distance.
Everything feels different now. What once drew my interest no longer holds my attention. Things I used to enjoy seem to have lost their color. Eat out? I rather eat at home. Meet people? I am content to type a few words on a screen. Go out and see something new? I can see almost anything from my computer. A painting, a song, a sunset somewhere far away. It is not quite the same, but for now, it is good enough.
Still, I know what “good enough” really means. It means I have settled. I am keeping the world at arm’s length because it is easier than facing what hurts. I tell myself I am fine, but maybe I am only hiding behind the safety of routine.
When will I step out again? I do not know. Maybe when the silence becomes heavier than the fear. Maybe when I am ready to live again.
This is my prayer.
Father, help me to find courage in small steps. Teach me not to fear the world you made. Lead me back into life – one walk, one conversation, one sunrise at a time. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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