The “Back to Normal” Expectation

This is part of the Still Standing series.

Society loves a comeback story. We love to cheer for the person who “gets back on their feet” and returns to their old life as if nothing happened.

In the church and in our social circles, there is an unspoken expiration date on mourning. There is an expected expiration date. People want the version of you they remember-the one who led the cell groups, preached the sermons, and had the energy to take on the world. Because that version was familiar, they mistake your return to it as a sign that you are “healed.”

This Is Your Current Reality

But here is the truth: There is no “back.” Two years into this journey, I’ve realized that trying to find my way back to the “old Loong” is a waste of energy. That man lived in a world that included his wife. That world no longer exists.

My current life – staying at home, writing to process my thoughts, and spending my days with Ben – is not a temporary detour. This is my norm right now. It is a quiet, slower, and more contemplative existence. It isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of honesty.

Give Yourself Permission to Stay

If you are being pressured to “get back out there” before you are ready, remember these two things:

You are not a project

You don’t have to be “fixed” on a schedule that makes other people comfortable.

Space is a necessity, not a luxury

You need time to inhabit this new version of yourself. If that means saying “no” to meetings or “not yet” to leadership, that is your right.

Respecting the Season

Grief has its own internal clock. Some days, the “old me” feels close. Most days, he feels like a stranger.

By accepting my current norm, I’ve found a strange kind of peace. I stopped performing “wellness” and started practicing “presence.” I am present with my grief, present with my dog, and present with my God in the silence.

If you are currently sitting in your own version of a quiet house, don’t apologize for it. Don’t rush to leave. You aren’t hiding; you are dwelling.

Think about this. What part of your “old life” are you performing just to make others feel better? What would happen if you gave yourself permission to stop?

To be clear, I am not saying you should not get back to what you were doing. That is not what I am trying to say at all.