Lonely will not leave me alone.
Often, Ben curls up beside me, his quiet presence reminding me I am not truly alone.
Only memories remain – soft, fragile, and heavy with love.
Nights stretch long, but somewhere in them, grace keeps me breathing.
God, hold me steady. Teach me to live with the pain, to carry love forward, to believe that light will return.
Today I turn fifty-three. My first birthday without Kathleen. There are no candles, there is only deep silence. Love still burns quietly within me.
Grief has not ended, I do not think it ever will. However, it has changed shape – from sharp pain to gentle longing. Ben watches me as if he understands, his eyes kind, his loyalty constant. In his calm companionship, I sense God’s comfort.
I do not know what this new year will bring. But I know this: Kathleen’s memory remains, and God’s presence endures.
So, I will walk forward – slowly, prayerfully – carrying both love and loss, trusting that joy will return in its own time.
This is my prayer.
Father, thank you for holding me through the nights and the years. Teach me to live with thanksgiving even in the pain. Let your peace fill the emptiness. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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